FISHER
Late 20s-early 30s, self-anointed “World’s Greatest Writer” and former professional bass-fisherman, Fisher offers usually worthless advice to all who will listen. He is the ultimate celebrity, relentlessly irresistible to any woman he encounters and unable to discern between what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in normal society. Honest and forthright, he rarely says the proper thing, even in the most delicate situation. A total lack of self-awareness combined with an overly inflated self-confidence create in Fisher the ultimate in walking contradictions. He believes all men are created equal; the exception being himself, but he believes his own superiority to be a gift he must share with the rest of humanity, or “his children.” It is also his profound belief in the equality of all men that leads him to make inappropriate remarks that can sometimes be deemed by others as socially, culturally or racially insensitive. But aside from his faults, he is a loyal friend and will do anything within his ability to help those around him. Unless they’re Mexican (I told you he’s a walking contradiction).
KARL ROVE (K-Ro)
59, born on Christmas Day, 1950 (Considers himself “God’s little present to Jesus”), Fisher’s personal assistant, agent, laundry boy and back-up masseuse. He has dedicated his life to serving Fisher, and will take whatever measures are necessary to ensure his every need is met. He can be mercilessly devious or incredibly kind depending on the situation. His association with Fisher and the celebrity lifestyle has led him to assume his own celebrity persona, which manifests itself in his insistence on being called “K-Ro”. He is given to fancifully romantic recollections that rarely turn out to be true, but usually provide some insight into his innermost hopes and desires. He is also a master at kung-fu and ninjistu, skills he sometimes calls upon to save Fisher from trouble. And he loves root beer and nachos.
DANICA PATRICK
28, Fisher’s personal chauffer, whose services he won in a high stakes game of truth or dare with David Letterman. She is the tough chick who despises chauvinists. And yet she quietly yearns for Fisher’s love. Instead of admitting her feelings, she makes K-Ro his proxy, only to scream Fisher’s name when they make love. She is fiercely jealous of Fisher’s dalliances, but, aside from occasional self-mutilation, hides it well. She is highly trained in weapons and tactics, enough to make Jack Bauer look like a pussy. She also loves ice cream, enough that she has to purge from time to time to keep her bikini body.
JAY
38, a successful freelance tabloid photographer. She shows up from time to time to take Fisher’s picture. An opportunistic businessman, she once paid Heidi Klum $2 million to marry Seal in exchange for exclusive rights to take the wedding photos, then sold the photos to People Magazine for $5 million. Her exclusive deal with Karl Rove to take photos of Fisher performing everyday tasks like getting into the car or going for a run is in the six figures.
MARTIN
35, Fisher’s accountant. Wise beyond his years, he helps keep Fisher somewhat grounded by offering sage opinions on a variety of subjects, usually in the guise of financial advice.
MAX
Gave Fisher his first writing job, but couldn’t convince him to stay when his career took off. Harbors a deep resentment.
AMANDA SCARLETTSON
Rebuffed by Fisher when she requested to interview him. Now she is intrigued and plans to write an investigative piece on his life.